WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 1, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
EXT. MIMI'S HOUSE - DAY
MIMI (O.S.)
Would you do nudity?
INT. MIMI'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY
CHLOE, 24, RUNS LINES WITH HER GRANDMA MIMI, 67.
CHLOE IS SEXY, BOLD AND STREET SMART. MIMI IS A HEAVY SMOKER,
BUT A PHYSICALLY FIT AND PROUD WOMAN.
CHLOE IS PACING BACK AND FORTH SLOWLY. MIMI IS SEATED AT THE
DINETTE TABLE SMOKING, SCRIPT IN HAND.
CHLOE
It depends. If it was integral to the part I
was playing.
MIMI
(PERPLEXED) *
When would that be?
CHLOE
When they pay you enough.
MIMI
(LAUGHS)
Give me your next line.
CHLOE
(IN LAWYER CHARACTER)
So, Mr. Travers, do you know the law in this
area?
MIMI
(READING SCRIPT)
Yes, I do.
CHLOE
And what does the law say?
MIMI
It says that a man can't have sexual relations
with an animal.
CHLOE
But, does it say you can't marry a goat?!
MIMI
(LOOKS AT CHLOE)
It's sheep, dear.
CHLOE
Damn! Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep!
MIMI
What's this for again?
CHLOE
It's a new Bochco show.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 2, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
MIMI
Boy, he really is pushing the limits.
CHLOE
Grandma, come on. I really need this job.
MIMI STARTS TO COUGH BADLY.
CHLOE (CONT'D)
And you need to quit smoking.
MIMI
Go ahead harass the smoker. Smoke in the wrong
area and you go to jail. But as long as you
don't have sex you can marry a goat.
CHLOE
Sheep.
MIMI SMILES AT CHLOE AND SHE SMILES BACK.
MIMI
Let's take it from the top.
CHLOE'S BEEPER GOES OFF. CHLOE LOOKS AT THE NUMBER AND A TRACE
OF FEAR COMES OVER HER FACE.
MIMI (CONT'D)
What's wrong dear?
CHLOE
Nothing, nothing. I got to go. *
(ANXIOUSLY GETTING UP TO LEAVE)
You coming for dinner on Wednesday?
MIMI
Is Mr. Webb coming?
CHLOE
Yes, Grandpa will be there.
MIMI
Then I'd rather have a hot lead enema.
CHLOE
Why can't you two get along?
MIMI
The horny bastard couldn't get along with any
woman over the age of 25. Has he gotten himself
kicked out of that new retirement home yet?
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 3, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE TWO
EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - DAY
MODEST LOOKING RETIREMENT HOME.
CHLOE (V.O.)
Almost. Dawn went to visit him today.
INT. RETIREMENT HOME, RECREATION ROOM - DAY
DAWN WEBB, 28, SITS WITH HER GRANDFATHER GEORGE WEBB, 70,
PLAYING POKER, FIVE CARD DRAW, IN A RECREATION ROOM FOR SENIORS.
DAWN IS A PRIVILEGED GIRL, QUIRKY, SMART, PRETTY. GEORGE IS A
CLASSIC RASCAL.
THERE ARE OTHER SENIORS AROUND RANGING IN AGE FROM 65 AND UP.
GEORGE IS DEALING.
GEORGE
(TAKES A BIG WHIFF, SARCASTIC)
I love the smell of old people in the morning.
DAWN
Puh-lease. Stop. Gimme two.
GEORGE DEALS TWO CARDS TO DAWN. DEALS HIMSELF THREE.
GEORGE
What'd I say? Raise a quarter.
GEORGE THROWS A QUARTER IN. DAWN THROWS ONE IN.
DAWN
It's nice here.
GEORGE
Everyone here is ... old!
DAWN
You're old.
GEORGE
Go ahead, rub it in. Three aces.
DAWN
Damn. How do you do that?
GEORGE
I cheat. You know what I mean.
They're old in the head.
A PRETTY NURSE COMES IN THE ROOM.
DAWN
At least there are pretty nurses.
GEORGE
They're all lesbians.
DAWN
Don't be ridiculous.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 4, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
THE PRETTY NURSE, ANGIE, WALKS BY. GEORGE PATS HER BEHIND BUT
MAKES IT LOOK LIKE DAWN DID IT.
GEORGE
Dawn!! Control yourself. I'm sorry Angie.
She's going through something. She just broke
up with her girlfriend.
DAWN
Grandpa!
ANGIE
That's all right. I understand.
ANGIE PULLS OUT A CARD AND HANDS IT TO DAWN.
ANGIE (CONT'D)
My home number's on there. Maybe we could
have coffee and talk about it.
ANGIE SMILES REAL BIG AND WALKS ON.
GEORGE
Told you so. You want any?
DAWN
No, I don't want any!
GEORGE
Any cards.
DAWN
Three. You are really disgusting, you know
that.
GEORGE DEALS THREE CARDS TO DAWN AND HIMSELF TWO.
GEORGE
Just proving a point. Bet a dollar. There's
no eligible women here.
DAWN THROWS IN A DOLLAR CALLING GEORGE. GEORGE LAYS DOWN FOUR
QUEENS. HE PULLS THE POT IN.
DAWN
There's a lot of eligible women your age.
Maybe they just don't want to date a misogynist
pig.
GEORGE
Forget it. I saw one naked once ...
DAWN
I don't want to hear this.
GEORGE
I haven't been that scared since "The Exorcist."
GEORGE DEALS THE CARDS.
DAWN
You'd probably scare her too.
GEORGE THROWS IN A DOLLAR AND DAWN FOLLOWS SUIT.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 5, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
GEORGE
(PUFFING UP)
They don't call me the John Holmes of my
generation for nothin'.
DAWN
"So, what did you do today Dawn?" "Oh, visited
with my pervert grandfather."
GEORGE
I'm hurt Dawn.
DAWN
Please, what kind of grandfather jokes about
the size of his ... peepee, with his
granddaughter.
GEORGE
You think I'm joking?
DAWN
Very funny. I swear you and Chloe, I don't
know who gets in more trouble.
CUT TO:
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 6, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE THREE
INT. LOAN SHARK'S OFFICE - DAY
CHLOE WALKS IN AND SITS DOWN. THE LOAN SHARK, PERCY JONES, IS
RUTHLESS LOOKING.
PERCY
Hey, nice shoes.
CHLOE
Thanks, Percy.
PERCY
Dey'll look good in cement.
CHLOE
(CHATTERING)
Well, when I become a big star and they ask me
to put my footprints at Graumann's Chinese ...
PERCY
Shuddup. I said IN, not ON cement.
CHLOE
(GULPS)
I'm going to pay you. I just got a job on a
pilot.
PERCY
Ya joinin the mile high club?
CHLOE
No, it's a show about lawyers for the Humane
Society. Sort of L.A. Law meets Benji. It's
Bochco.
PERCY
Sounds like a loser ta me. I hope for your
sake it ain't anudder 'Cop Rock'.
CHLOE
Look Percy, I'm going to pay you.
PERCY
I know ya will. I'm just wonderin' what da
method of payment'll be.
It's been a long time since I had ta do anyting
bad. I don't like doin' bad tings.
CHLOE
I don't want you to do 'bad tings.'
PERCY
But sometimes I hafta do bad tings.
CHLOE
Maybe this once you could skip da bad ting and
do a good ting instead.
PERCY
(THINKS FOR A MOMENT)
I don't tink so! Get my money. Now get da
hell out of here!
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 7, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE FOUR
INT. RETIREMENT HOME, ADMINISTRATOR'S OFFICE - DAY
ADMINISTRATOR CAMPBELL BARNES IS AT HIS DESK.
ADMINISTRATOR
I'm glad you stopped in Miss Webb. You're
grandfather has been quite a problem, lately
...
DAWN
I know ...
ADMINISTRATOR
He's harassing the nurses ...
DAWN
I know ...
ADMINISTRATOR
I mean it's not like they enjoy it ...
DAWN
I know ...
ADMINISTRATOR
After all, they're all lesbians ...
DAWN
I ... really? Wow. Moving on ...
ADMINISTRATOR
Our psychiatrist says your grandfather has a
mental illness ...
DAWN
You had him see the psychiatrist?...
ADMINISTRATOR
Geriatra-phobia. Fear of getting old...
DAWN
Half of Los Angeles has that ...
ADMINISTRATOR
Now, it can be treated with medication.
DAWN
I see. But can you treat Litigat-aphobia.
ADMINISTRATOR
What's that?
DAWN
Fear of me suing your ass.
DAWN GETS UP AND LEAVES.
CUT TO:
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 8, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE FIVE
EXT. OLD FOLKS HOME - DAY
CANDY, A PROSTITUTE, WALKS UP TO A SLIDING GLASS DOOR WHICH
MAGICALLY OPENS. GEORGE STEPS OUT AND LOOKS AROUND FURTIVELY.
GEORGE
I thought I told you not to come in this way.
CANDY
Don' get bossy, Georgy. I'm already givin' ya
the senior citizen discount.
THEY GO IN AND THE DOOR CLOSES.
ANOTHER ANGLE
ADMINISTRATOR BARNES WATCHES VICTORIOUSLY FROM A DISTANCE. HE
WALKS O.S. THEN AFTER A BEAT RETURNS FOR A CLOSER LOOK.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 9, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE SIX
INT. COMPUTER SCREEN - NIGHT
DAWN WEBB READS HER E-MAIL. WE HEAR HER VOICE AND SEE WHAT'S
ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN.
DAWN (O.S.)
Hello, my luscious GreenBee. How I've missed
your titillating words bouncing on my screen.
It's been eight hours since our last chat and
I've been longing to ask you ...
THE SCREEN GOES BLANK
DAWN (CONT'D)
(YELLING)
What? I've been longing to ask you what?
DAWN FREAKS OUT AND BEATS THE KEYBOARD
REALIZING WHAT IS WRONG, IN A HUFF SHE GETS DOWN UNDER THE
TABLE TO GET TO THE BACK OF THE COMPUTER
ROD QUIETLY ENTERS. HE PUSHES A KEY
ROD
Will fate ever lead me to feast upon your warm
and tasteful lips?
DAWN HITS HER HEAD ON THE TABLE THEN PEEKS OUT INQUISITIVELY,
IS THAT REALLY ROD TALKING?
DAWN
Rod?
(BEAT)
Rod! Stop reading my ... well actually, it's
not my e-mail, it's a copy a friend sent me of
her e-mail.
ROD
Way kinky. Chloe here?
DAWN
No, she's at Mimi's rehearsing for an audition.
Playing this weekend?
ROD
Still looking for another gig. The last one
went so freakin' well we have to change our
name.
DAWN
Too bad. The Talking Penises was such a great
name.
ROD
Yeah. So, is Chloe here?
DAWN
(SLOWLY)
No, she's at Mimi's house, rehearsing.
ROD
Oh yeah. I told her I'd clean the pool.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 10, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
DAWN
After what you did to Mitch?
ROD
That wasn't my fault. The pool store put the
acid in the wrong color bottles.
DAWN
I've never seen hair fall off a guy like that
before. And after all that money he spent on
transplants.
ROD
Well, it's a good thing you hosed him off when
you did.
CHLOE RUNS IN THE FRONT DOOR IN A PANIC.
ROD IS A LITTLE TOO GLAD TO SEE HER, LIKE A FAT COCKER SPANIEL
AT DINNERTIME
SHE USHERS HIM OUT THE DOOR.
ROD (CONT'D)
Hi Chloe I came over to clean your ...
CHLOE
Great, Rod. Next time I want to get rid of a
boyfriend I'll be sure to invite you over, but
right now my insurance carrier tells me I can
only use pool men with a degree.
ROD
So how do I get ...
SHE SLAMS THE DOOR IN HIS FACE
CHLOE
Dawn, I'm in big trouble.
DAWN
What is it now?
CHLOE
No, big trouble. Big, big, big!
DAWN
What!?
CHLOE
I need a hundred thousand dollars and I need
it now.
DAWN
Forget it, you are not touching our inheritance.
CHLOE
Can't we just go out and make it in a couple
weeks because the loan shark's going to kill
me if I don't have it.
DAWN
Loan shark? Why do you owe a loan shark?
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 11, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE
You don't want to know.
DAWN
(STARING HER DOWN)
Chloe ...
CHLOE
(RELUCTANTLY)
Remember John?
DAWN
Yes "Boo" ...
CHLOE
Well ... I bought him a Porsche.
DAWN
You bought him a Porsche!? He moved to England!
CHLOE
I loved him.
DAWN TAKES A DEEP BREATH.
DAWN
You spent a $100,000 on him, for "love"!?
CHLOE
Well, I spent a little on Richie too.
DAWN
A little?
CHLOE
Remember how much you dug his yacht?
DAWN
Don't remind me. My stomach churns.
CHLOE
Well ... I really loved him too.
DAWN
Can't you take it back or something? Where is
it now?
CHLOE
I just got a postcard from Tahiti ... how was
I to know he wanted to circumnavigate the globe?
DAWN
You bought a Porsche and a yacht for only
$100,000? Don't tell me. On-line auctions?
CHLOE
I spent the rest on Mitch. He needed a
helicopter.
DAWN
You bought a Porsche, a yacht and a helicopter
for $100,000?
(A LA BILL SHATNER)
I knew it. Saving money on-line is big. Really
big.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 12, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE
It was the least I could do after the pool
incident.
DAWN
Wait a minute ...
DAWN GRABS THE PHONE AND STARTS DIALING IN HASTE
CHLOE
Mitch said he'll pay us back when he starts
making money from the helicopter tours.
DAWN
(GOING INTO SHOCK)
The number's disconnected.
(LOOKS UP)
Helicopter tours?
CHLOE
(THINKS DAWN'S CALLING MITCH)
Of course it's disconnected, his helicopter
tours are in Zimbabwe.
DAWN FRANTICALLY DIALS ANOTHER NUMBER
DAWN
(PUNCHING NUMBERS IN DISBELIEF)
Zimbabwe? No, our accountant ... disconnected.
(LOOKS UP)
And our balance. This can't be right. $1.52?
Where's our other $999,998.48?
CHLOE
Dawn, I think there's something I ought to
tell you.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
WE HEAR A LONG, ANGUISHED WAIL FROM DAWN
BACK TO SCENE
DAWN IS ON TOP OF CHLOE, TRYING TO KILL HER WITH A COMPUTER
MOUSE. DAWN YELLS, CHLOE SCREAMS!
DAWN/CHLOE
Our accounts are empty! I'm sorry! How did
you do it! I'm horrible!
Why did you do it! I'm sick!
How could you do this to us!!!
I'm a failure! Please help me!
DAWN DROPS, EXHAUSTED
CHLOE
Dawn, we've got to pull it together!! This
loan shark is going to kill me!
DAWN
(POISES TO RESUME HER ATTACK)
Tell him to get in line, baby.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 13, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE
(READY TO DIE)
I'll always love you little sister!
DAWN
(STOPS)
Wait a second. What about Dean?
CHLOE IS SILENT.
DAWN (CONT'D)
(SARCASTIC)
Don't tell me. You bought him the movie camera.
CHLOE
(INDIGNANT)
It's an investment. He's going to be famous.
DAWN
Shooting weddings?
CHLOE
(RIGHTEOUS)
He has a script. It's about aliens.
DAWN STANDS AND PUTS HEAD IN HANDS, DISTRAUGHT
DAWN
Somebody shoot me.
CHLOE
Dawn, please. Percy's a dangerous man.
DAWN
Percy? You have a loan shark named Percy.
What's he going to do, kill you by reading bad
poetry?
THE PHONE RINGS, DAWN PICKS IT UP.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 14, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE SEVEN
INTERCUT - PERCY / DAWN & CHLOE
DAWN (CONT'D)
Hello?
PERCY
Chloe. Dis is Percy. Have you figured out da
method of payment?
DAWN IS AMUSED.
DAWN
Is dis Percy da loan shark?
CHLOE IS TERRIFIED. SHE STARTS WAVING HER HANDS AT DAWN AND
MOUTHING TO STOP MAKING FUN OF PERCY.
PERCY
Hey. Don't crack wise.
DAWN
Crack wise. Get you. What are ya, a goodfella?
PERCY
Hey, shut it. Or maybe next time someone goes
swimming dey'll lose more dan a little hair.
DAWN
(WORRIED)
That was an accident.
PERCY
Accidents happen. Make sure one doesn't happen
to you.
PERCY HANGS UP. DAWN IS PARALYZED.
CHLOE
What happened? What'd he say?
DAWN
He said you're in trouble.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 15, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
CHLOE
Dawn, I need you to help me figure out how to
get the money.
DAWN
How on earth are we going to get $100,000 in
thirty days?
CHLOE
You work with the internet. People are making
a lot of money on it, aren't they?
DAWN
The only people making that kind of money are
the porno sites.
CHLOE WHEELS ARE TURNING ON THIS. SHE CASTS A SILENT QUESTION
AT DAWN, AS IF TO SAY, WHY NOT US?
DAWN (CONT'D)
No. Way. You are out of your mind.
CHLOE
What about the voyeur sites?
DAWN
You mean put up cameras? I don't want someone
watching me all day. Besides, what if someone
came over. We could be sued.
CHLOE
(IN LAWYER CHARACTER)
So, Miss Webb, do you know the law in this
area?
DAWN
A little bit.
CHLOE
And what does the law say?
DAWN
I think it says people have to be informed.
CHLOE
(SMUG)
But does it say you can't marry a sheep?
DAWN
What???
CHLOE
Uh, I mean, but do they have to know they're
being informed?
(PAUSE)
Come on. We can make all the money back.
DAWN
What would mom and dad say?
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 16, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE
The last job I had was selling shrimp out of
my car in a bikini! Do you have any idea how
many bags of shrimp I'd have to sell?
DAWN
Better get busy then.
CHLOE
I'll become an old stinky hag just paying the
interest, if the loan shark let's me live long
enough.
DAWN
Maybe we should just sell the house.
CHLOE
What would mom and dad say?
DAWN
(BEAT)
You think people will pay to see us?
CHLOE NODS
DAWN (CONT'D)
I'm insane to even consider this.
CHLOE
No you're not Dawn, it's the most brilliant
idea you've ever had.
DAWN
OK. But you're not putting one in my room!
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 17, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE TWO
MONTAGE
DRAWING THE PLANS
HIDING THE PLANS FROM ROD
SHOPPING FOR HARDWARE
CHLOE SNEAKING A CAMERA INTO DAWN'S ROOM
AVOIDING ROD
WIRING THE HOUSE
GETTING RID OF ROD
HIDING THE CAMERAS
MOUNTING SIGN BY DOORBELL: "THESE PREMISES ARE UNDER
SURVEILLANCE - WEBB ALARM CO."
DAWN WORKING ON THE COMPUTER
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 18, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE THREE
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
CHLOE READING LINES TO HERSELF. DAWN ENTERS MID-LINE.
CHLOE
(IN LAWYER CHARACTER)
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, what's really
in question here, is, can an animal give
consent?
DAWN
We're on line!
CHLOE
(EXCITED)
Really? People can see me now? Can they hear
me?
DAWN
Everything.
CHLOE
(PRANCING)
Maybe somebody will discover me.
DAWN
Yeah, like wacko's from all corners of the
world.
CHLOE
Oh, ye of little faith.
CHLOE GRABS HER SHIRT AND PULLS IT OFF.
DAWN
What are you doing?
CHLOE
What's it look like? I'm making us some money
here.
CHLOE PRANCES O.S. - VARIOUS CLOTHING FLIES PAST DAWN ONSCREEN.
CHLOE'S PANTIES LAND ON DAWN'S HEAD
CHLOE (CONT'D)
Oh yeah, that's the money shot, mama!
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 19, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE FOUR
INSERT - 3 GUYS WATCHING A COMPUTER
COMPUTER GEEK, LONG HAIRED STONER, AND FAT BOY
GEEK
Hey, check this out!
STONER
Hey, northern slopage ... eastern slopage ...
southern slopage.
(CHUCKLE)
Southern slopage is the best.
GEEK
And there's the peaks.
FAT BOY
Forget the slopage, check out what she's doing
now.
ALL 3 LEAN IN CLOSE
GEEK
Gentlemen, the promised land.
MONTAGE - GUYS WATCHING COMPUTERS
INSERT - ANOTHER GUY
GUY
Whoa!
FASTER AND FASTER - A HUNDRED GUYS
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 20, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE FIVE
EXT. FRONT DOOR - DAY
GEORGE STANDS WITH SUITCASE IN ONE HAND, PRESSES THE DOORBELL
WITH THE OTHER.
THE "WEBB ALARM CO." SIGN IS VISIBLE NEXT TO THE DOOR.
DAWN ANSWERS.
GEORGE
I see you finally took my advice about an alarm
company.
DAWN
Grandpa? You're early for dinner.
(SEES SUITCASE)
Oh, no, you got kicked out again. What
happened?
INT. LIVING ROOM
GEORGE ENTERS
GEORGE
People were more liberal in the 60's.
DAWN
Never mind, forget I asked.
GEORGE
The good news is, I'm going to stay with you.
DAWN
But you can't. I mean, Grandpa, I love you,
but you won't be ... comfortable.
GEORGE
What do you mean? I'm comfortable wherever I
go. I'll just take one of the extra rooms.
You'll never know I'm here.
GEORGE LEAVES.
CHLOE ENTERS.
CHLOE
What's wrong?
DAWN
Grandpa got kicked out again. We'll have to
find him another place.
CHLOE
(UPSET)
We've got to find him another place today!
DAWN
Why? He's in one of the spare rooms. There's
no cameras in there.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 21, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE
(FREAKING OUT)
Yes there is. I put cameras in the spare rooms.
I thought one of our friends might come over
and undress. I can't have a naked old man on
our website! Who wants to see a 70 year old
penis?
DAWN
I don't know. 70 year old women?
CHLOE
That's not funny. We're supposed to make money
here! People are going to ask for refunds!
DAWN
OK, OK. Calm down, Chloe. He never stays
more than a few days.
GEORGE ENTERS.
GEORGE
You know, I really miss seeing you girls. How
about if I stay awhile?
GEORGE GIVES THEM BOTH A HUG
THE GIRLS GIVE EACH OTHER A LOOK
DAWN
Sure grandpa.
CHLOE
Whatever you want.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 22, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE SIX
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. DAWN ANSWERS. IT'S ROD. HE'S HOLDING A
CERTIFICATE.
ROD
Here you go!
DAWN
What's this?
ROD
Chloe said I needed a degree. Now I'm a
certified Sanitary Hydro Engineer with a
specialty in Chlorine Distribution.
DAWN TAKES THE CERTIFICATE IN DISBELIEF. CHLOE ENTERS.
CHLOE
Hey, Rod, what's up?
ROD
I just graduated Pool Cleaning School.
CHLOE
They have that?
DAWN HANDS CHLOE THE CERTIFICATE.
CHLOE (CONT'D)
(ASIDE, TO DAWN)
I was only kidding.
DAWN SHRUGS.
ROD
(TRUNKS IN HAND)
Hey, can I change?
DAWN
Go ahead.
ROD EXITS.
CHLOE
Let's go to the computer.
DAWN
Why?
CHLOE
He's going to change! Come on!
CHLOE RUNS OVER TO THE COMPUTER. DAWN FOLLOWS.
DAWN
I don't think this is ethical.
CHLOE
We just have to check out the equipment and
make sure it's working properly. It's part of
our job.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 23, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE POINTS AND CLICKS
INSERT - COMPUTER SCREEN
WITH AN INTERNET CAMERA VIEW OF ROD UNDRESSING FROM THE BACK
BACK TO SCENE
DAWN
(TURNS AWAY FROM SCREEN)
I refuse to watch pornography in my own home.
CHLOE
Well, it's not really pornography, is it? I
mean, wouldn't he have to be ... oh, look!
BACK TO ROD - NOW IN HIS UNDERWEAR *
DAWN (O.S.)
There's a naked man stripping in my house, on
my computer screen, without his knowledge.
ANGLE ON DAWN - SHE GLANCES AT THE SCREEN
DAWN (CONT'D)
This is so wrong.
DAWN DOES A DOUBLE TAKE
INSERT - ROD PULLING OFF HIS UNDERWEAR
BACK TO SCENE
DAWN IS STARING AT THE SCREEN
DAWN (CONT'D)
(NOT THINKING)
It's not right. It's ...
(HER EYES WIDEN)
Quick, zoom in on that!
DAWN & CHLOE
OH. MY. GOD!
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 24, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE SEVEN
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
THE GIRLS ARE RIVETED TO THE COMPUTER. GEORGE ENTERS.
GEORGE
What are you girls doing?
THEY HALF JUMP OUT OF THEIR SKIN.
DAWN
Nothing! Just ... surfing the Internet.
GEORGE GOES OVER FOR A LOOK.
GEORGE
Oh, I've heard about that. Can I see?
DAWN & CHLOE
No!
GEORGE STOPS DEAD.
DAWN
It's a little too ... technical.
CHLOE
More than a little.
DAWN ELBOWS CHLOE.
ROD ENTERS.
ROD
Hey, girls. Hey, Mr. Webb.
ROD WALKS BY. THEY STARE AT HIS CROTCH AS HE WALKS OUT. GEORGE
NOTICES.
GEORGE
You girls need a date.
GEORGE EXITS.
SCENE EIGHT
EXT. POOL - DAY - CLOSE UP
CHLOE SUNBATHING IN A BIKINI, A MAGAZINE IN FRONT OF HER FACE.
SHE SLOWLY LOWERS THE MAGAZINE TO REVEAL SUNGLASSES.
POV - CHLOE
WATCHING ROD CLEANING THE POOL OVER THE MAGAZINE.
DAWN (O.S.)
What are you doing?
CHLOE
Oh, I was just reading.
FULL SHOT
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 25, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
DAWN, IN A ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT, LOOKS AT THE MAGAZINE, SITS
NEXT TO CHLOE.
DAWN
Yeah, right.
CHLOE
(NOTICING DAWN)
What about you? I didn't even know you owned
a bathing suit.
DAWN
I need to get a little color.
CHLOE
Yeah, right.
A FEW SILENT MOMENTS
CHLOE (CONT'D)
Do you think we've made any money yet?
DAWN
It's too early to tell. I'll check our hit
counters in a couple of days.
ROD WALKS OVER
ROD
Bad news. Your pH is 7.8, water pressure is
down to 15 psi, the algae needs a shock and
the D.E. filter needs a rebuild. I'll have to
come every day.
DAWN
That'd be great. Just leave your trunks in
the bathroom so you don't have to ... you know,
carry them over every time you ... you know,
come over.
CHLOE GIVES DAWN A LOOK: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT
CHLOE
You go, girl.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 26, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
SCENE NINE
INT. LIVING ROOM
DAWN TYPES AT THE COMPUTER, CHLOE NEXT TO HER
DAWN
Let's check the demographic survey first.
(SHE READS THE SCREEN)
I can't believe it.
CHLOE
What?
DAWN
These figures. They can't be right.
CHLOE
What do they say?
DAWN
We have 73% males 18 to 49. Then 24% females,
18 to 49.
CHLOE AND DAWN LOOK AT EACH OTHER
CHLOE AND DAWN
Rod!
DAWN
Oh this is too weird. It says 3% females, 50
and up.
CHLOE AND DAWN LOOK AT EACH OTHER AS THEY SLOWLY REALIZE.
CHLOE AND DAWN
Grandpa?
(BEAT)
Eeewww!
DAWN
Look at this! We've already had over 10,000
hits and 986 ... 987 ... 988 sign-ups!
CHLOE
That's ...
(STARTS COUNTING)
How much is that?
DAWN
At this rate we'll be able to pay him off in a
few weeks!
CHLOE GOES NUTS, JUMPING UP AND DOWN, HUGS DAWN.
CHLOE
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love
America.
PERCY (O.S.)
Land 'a opportunity.
THE GIRLS JUMP
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 27, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CHLOE
Percy, how did you get in here?
DAWN
That's breaking and entering!
PERCY
Door was open and I ain't broken nuttin ...
yet. But it's early. I heard you girls runnin
da numbers. And I'm prepared ta make ya a new
offer. I've decided to waive da hunnert
tousand.
CHLOE
Really?
DAWN
What's the catch?
PERCY
We're gonna be partners.
DAWN
I think we'd rather just pay you off.
PERCY
Maybe ya don't understand. It's not dat kind
of offer.
CHLOE
Percy, we'll give you your money. You'll have
to be satisfied with that.
PERCY BREAKS DOWN, STARTS TO CRY.
CHLOE AND DAWN ARE DUMBFOUNDED.
PERCY
You girls have to help me. I had customers
run out on me I can't find. One guy in
particular owes me 150 grand. And I owe dat
money to people dat make Joe Pesci in Goodfellas
look like Tinkerbell.
PERCY SOBS HEAVILY.
CHLOE AND DAWN SHOW SYMPATHY.
CHLOE
Percy, get a grip!
DAWN
Yeah, it's not the end of the world.
PERCY
It will be if I don't get dat money.
GEORGE ENTERS.
GEORGE
Hey girls, I was just going out.
PERCY AND GEORGE SEE EACH OTHER.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 28, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
GEORGE (CONT'D)
Percy!
PERCY
It's him ... Miami George!
CHLOE AND DAWN
Miami George?
PERCY
Yeah, he always bets on da Dolphins, and he
owes me 150 grand! Come on, I got some people
who wanna see ya.
GEORGE
Can't we talk this over?
DAWN
Wait a minute, you made us an offer.
PERCY
Dat's right. OK, I waive his debt too. We'll
be in touch.
PERCY STARTS TO LEAVE, STOPS AT THE DOOR.
PERCY (CONT'D)
Oh, and girls, that little cryin episode ...
fuggaddaboudit.
PERCY EXITS.
GEORGE
How did you girls do that?
(BEAT)
Your inheritance! You did that for me? I
feel like a schmuck. I'll pay you back somehow.
CHLOE
In a way you already have.
GEORGE
What do you mean?
DAWN
(ELBOWS CHLOE)
Chloe means, just by staying here is payment
enough.
GEORGE
You're right. I'll start paying you instead
of another senile colony. I mean, there's
nothing wrong with living here, it's like living
in ...
MIMI WALKS IN THE FRONT DOOR.
MIMI
Hell.
(BEAT)
I broke a nail.
DAWN
Grandma! What are you doing here?
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 29, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
GEORGE
Yeah, where's your broomstick?
MIMI
I have some good news and some bad news.
GEORGE
We can see the bad news.
MIMI
The good news is I quit smoking.
CHLOE
Congratulations!
MIMI
The bad news is, my house burned down.
GEORGE
Oops. I'm sorry. Now I've been a schmuck
twice today.
MIMI
Not really George. With you ...
(DRAWING A GRAPH WITH HER HANDS)
it's like one continuous schumuckery.
DAWN
I suppose you need a place to stay.
CHLOE
You can have the other bedroom.
(WHISPERS TO DAWN)
Another three percent?
MIMI
Don't tell me he's freeloading off my little
angels.
GEORGE
Can it, MoMo.
MIMI
How many times have I told you not to call me
that.
GEORGE
MoMo.
MIMI
Lumpy.
GEORGE
That's it!
GEORGE GETS UP, READY TO KICK MIMI'S ASS
MIMI'S READY TO DO THE SAME TO HIM
MIMI
Yeah, come on, I want a taste of it!
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 30, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
DAWN
(NONPLUSSED)
Look, you guys are just going to have to learn
to get along. Deal with it.
DAWN AND CHLOE EXIT.
GEORGE AND MIMI SNEER AT EACH OTHER, THEN BEGIN CIRCLING LIKE
DOGS PROTECTING THEIR TERRITORY, EVEN GROWLING.
DAWN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Knock it off, you two!
PILLOWS FLY IN FROM O.S.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 31, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
CLOSING E-MAIL
DAWN TYPES. WE HEAR HER VOICE AND SEE WHAT'S ON THE COMPUTER
SCREEN.
DAWN (CONT'D)
(READING)
Will fate ever lead me to feast upon your warm
and tasteful lips? TTYL, Lustig.
(TO HERSELF)
OK, lover boy.
(WRITING)
Dearest Lustig, I was so moved by your words
that I ...
CHLOE (O.S.)
If you're going to cyber, don't do it in the
living room.
DAWN JUMPS. CHLOE IS LOOKING OVER HER SHOULDER AND THEN TURNS
TO WALK AWAY. DAWN GOES BACK TO TYPING.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 32, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
TAG SCENE
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
GEORGE SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, A LARGE TABLE WITH A CLOTH
THAT YOU CAN'T SEE UNDERNEATH.
HE LEANS BACK, STARTS BREATHING HEAVILY.
MIMI ENTERS.
MIMI
What's wrong with you?
GEORGE
(SURPRISED)
I didn't recognize you without your green
makeup.
MIMI
I see you're back to your old self.
MIMI TAKES A PILL AND A DRINK OF WATER, THEN STARTS TO LEAVE
GEORGE
(SARCASTIC)
Good night.
MIMI
Good night to you, and good night to whoever's
under the table.
MIMI EXITS.
INSERT - INTERNET CAMERA
CANDY GETS OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE TABLE.
CANDY
That's enough. It's a senior citizen's discount
not a family discount. Come on Sandy, we're
going.
ANOTHER GIRL GETS OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE.
SANDY
Remember, Georgie, you can always find us on
the internet at candyandsandy dot com.
GRANDPA ZIPS UP HIS PANTS. CANDY EXITS.
GEORGE
The internet ...
PULL BACK TO REVEAL THE 3 GUYS WATCHING THEIR COMPUTER: COMPUTER
GEEK, LONG HAIRED STONER, AND FAT BOY
GEEK
I feel like a voyeur.
FAT BOY
A peeping tom.
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WEBGIRLS Pilot, page 33, Registered WGAw Copyright Dave Cintron and Todd Gilbert
STONER
Yeah, no matter what anybody says, everyone
wants to peek into a window.
THE END
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